12 Years and 2 Well-Served Lessons

I am taking my bride of twelve years to an undisclosed location—No! I’m not telling because we don’t want to be found. Yes! The kids are covered.—for an anniversary celebration. Just the two of us. Like it was “back in the day.” Now don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely passionate about my kids, but for this trip…it’s just us…a quaint little town South of here…a romantic bed and breakfast…dinner for two by candles…and…just the kind of thing one does for the one he loves and feels incredibly blessed to have.

But let me tell you something. I’ve been taking a little closer look in the mirror lately and I wonder…

…I wonder what has happened to me. I keep looking at Kathy and I am eternally grateful that that has happened to her. She is better now than in college. Wow! In the words of Max Lucado, “her beauty is luscious.” (Dead serious—check out the July issue of HomeLife magazine. For my non-Baptist friends, this is a monthly family magazine of the SBC. The July issue features Max Lucado and his wife Denalyn. Sorry Max for borrowing the quote but it is dead on for my bride.)

Now I am certain that I am no where close to releasing a best selling book on marriage. However, I would say that I have learned a few things over the past decade plus two. Some things were learned the hard way. Who among us has not occasionally uttered something stupid? Some things were learned the way of wisdom. Honestly, there are two things Kathy and I learned when we first got married that absolutely put us on track to a great marriage and the lessons came from two older couples.

When we “hitched up” on July 23, 1994, I was serving Mt. Lebanon Baptist Church as Youth Pastor. There was a great lady who served as one of my middle school workers, Loretta Wells. Loretta was married to Wayne and I noticed something quickly about them. One day I was over at the Wells’ home having a snack with Wayne and Loretta’s son Dennis. Loretta was standing at the table as Dennis and I were eating when her husband came through the door. As she was making a comment to me, she stopped mid-sentence and walked over to Wayne. There he dropped his briefcase and they shared the most wonderful kiss and hug I had ever observed between a husband and wife. It was so special and sweet and sincere. They literally looked like two teenagers even though they had been married for over thirty years.

Lesson learned: When you are reunited with your mate after time away, be glad to see each other. This is also true for when you are leaving for the day. Make it a point to stop what you are doing in order to make that happen. Kiss and hug and do not mind who is around. This lesson is particularly poignant and essential to me because after I left for seminary in July of 1996, Wayne died unexpectedly due to complications from surgery on Thanksgiving Day. Wayne Wells was a real man because he was completely unashamed to flagrantly love his wife. Loretta Wells showed that anything can wait while she went to kiss her man. Today, over ten years later, my eyes fill with tears as I think of that moment. I know the day that Wayne died was hard but of this I am sure, those two shared a kiss before Loretta left that evening. Man, it is a lesson I’ve never forgotten because you never know how your day will turn out.

Practice hugs and kisses for your mate but also for the benefit of young just-married men and women so they can always know that the passionate flame doesn’t have to die. It dies because couples let it!

About this time, a new family joined our church. Mark and Anna Jo Meyers and their two girls moved into area just before Kathy and I were married and their move turned out to be a huge blessing for us. We were immediately drawn to this couple. We made it a point to be around them as often as we could. I always noticed how good this couple was to each other. Mark always did the little things for Anna Jo like standing when she entered the room or left it. Opening the door for her was standard. But the thing that really stood out is how they really enjoyed each other. I mean they had a good time being around each other. Because I came from a divorced home, their marriage really caused me to take note.

One Friday they invited us to dinner and Anna Jo cooked some great Cuban food—her mother was from the island. While eating, we began to talk about marriage. I let them know how much I noticed about their marriage and asked them how they did it. Without blinking an eye they shared two things I have never forgot. First, Mark shared that they had committed early in their marriage they would never tell jokes about each other in public in order to get a laugh from people. Second, Anna Jo shared that they decided to never disagree publicly with one another. They both shared this had been hard at times but it was worth it to protect each other and contribute to the unity they shared.

Lesson learned: It is not worth getting a “ha ha” from the guys at the expense of my wife. Doing so does not show I treasure her about all things. In fact, I have learned that when you do not talk well about each other in public other people just think that you are a fool—or least people committed to building strong marriages. I figure that I sleep with my wife not the people in my Sunday School class or the job or at the cook out. She is worth me pleasing and upholding as wonderful. There is nothing better than speaking well of your spouse in public—even when your spouse is not around. I love it when someone tells me that Kathy has said something good about me to them. I am sure she enjoys it as well.

Make jokes about your wife and she might tell you it doesn’t matter. If you believe that then I’ve got some beachfront property in Kansas I would like to talk with you about.

I am so grateful to God that he sent Kathy and me some excellent and wise married couples to be around. We haven’t always gotten it right. But I’ll tell you this. Those lessons learned when our own passion was new and hot showed us that it could burn just as hotly when it was not so new if you consistently practiced well a few things.

Oh how thankful I am to twelve very good years. And by the way, that looker on my right arm—she’s with me! (Imagine me with a big and loud laugh and my head thrown back and enjoying what God has blessed me with!)