Lord, Why Do I Deserve This?

This is a free-flowing post after some months away from the www.

Back in the Summer, I was going through a particularly difficult time. My relationship and ministry with my former congregation ended in a way that I did not desire for myself, my family nor the church family. However, after being asked to resign by the deacons of the church, I did so.

I went through a time of soul-searching and asking how such a thing could have happened to me? Quite frankly, when I heard stories in seminary of men being asked to leave churches I figured that type of thing happened to, well, other men. Not me!

Honestly...I found myself asking, "Lord, what did I do to deserve this?" Asking this type of question put me in good company. Consider Jeremiah in Jeremiah 20 and Elijah in I Kings 19. However, I sense that my questioning came from the sense that I somehow deserved better than what I was receiving. I felt that God owed me and my family better.

Fast forward to October. On the first Sunday I was called to serve an incredible congregation. This came after serving this church through the summer as their interim pastor. The people of this church absolutely embraced my family. The loved on us. They spoke well of us. They believed in us. They were used of God to bring healing to us as they beared our burdens with us.

On Christmas Eve, we gathered to worship together. It was an astounding gathering of corporate worship. Near the end of our time together, we participated in the Lord's Supper. The Spirit of God moved among us in a profound and special way (Derek, you will especially know what I mean!). Tears were in the eyes of many as we did the Supper in remembrance of our Lord. It was incredible to hear the deacons that assisted me say to the people as they came forward to receive the elements...

"This is the body of Christ broken for you."

"This is the blood of Christ shed for the forgiveness of your sins."

I left church thinking, "Lord, what did I do to deserve this?"

I ashamedly admit that when things are bad I am somehow entitled to something better.

I ashamedly admit that when things are good I was somehow deserving of it.

No and a thousands no's!

If I suffer for Christ--i.e. things go bad--then it is my privilege and it is his gift to allow me to walk in the foot steps of his Son and experience his grace. May I be less dependant on good experience and more dependant on his Son.

If I enjoy good things--i.e. things are going well--then it is all by God's grace. May he save me from believing I am entitled to it. May I pause and recognize that it is an incredibly good gift from him to cause me to be more dependant on him.

Remember the body and the blood.

Happy New Year!